The Funniest Pick Up Lines of All-Time

September 6, 2008 by  

I’m sure women get these more than guys, but I’ve heard (and used) some of the stupidest pick up lines before. Don’t get me wrong, some are so stupid that it has to make you laugh. And who knows, it may just get you a phone number or two.

1. Are your parents retards… cause you special!
2. Hey Baby, did you fart… cause you blow me away!
3. You must’ve just had Campbell’s soup… cause you’re lookin’ mmm… mmm… good!
4. Excuse me, I’d like to have kids someday… I just wanted to know your parents created such a beautiful angel?
5. Your parents must be terrorists… cause you da BOMB!
6. Hey, do you like McDonalds… well, just call me “Big Mac.”
7. Hello, my name is Elmo and baby you can tickle me anytime you want!
8. I would buy you a drink but I’d just be jealous of the glass.
9. Do you like chocolate… well, just call me Mr. Goodbar!
10. I’m not going to ask for your phone number cause I know you’d say ‘no’ so can I have your e-mail address?
11. I’m not Fred Flinestone but I can definitely make your bed rock!
12. I’ve heard sex is a killer… want to die happy?
13. Can I read your t-shirt in brail?
14. What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk? My zipper.
15. You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyways!
16. Let’s make like a fabric softner and snuggle!
17. Excuse me, I wrote this poem for you… Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re HOT!
18. Hi, I work at Subways but I only can give you a footlong.
19. Are you a computer whiz… it seems you know how to turn my software to hardware.
20. Ouch! Damn… do you have a band-aid? I cut my knee when I fell for you.
21. *looks and pats around her back* Hey, I thought angels had wings?
22. I’ve heard milk does a body good but DAMN how much did you drink?!
23. Are you parents bakers… cause you got some hot buns!
24. I wanna get all hot and sweaty and listen to you breathe hard… um, you wanna go running?
25. Can I have a picture… I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas.

And one of my favorites…

(Next time you see someone sneeze) “I would say God Bless you but it looks like he already did!”


63 Responses to “The Funniest Pick Up Lines of All-Time”

  1. Site Flipping Blog Revealed! | Blogging Tips & Custom Banner Designs at on September 10th, 2008 6:50 am

    [...] instance, my very first post on there was “The Funniest Pick Up Lines of All-Time” which was fun writing and looking up. And yes, I used a couple of those lines before because I’m [...]

  2. Orlando on August 26th, 2009 9:28 am

    Guy: Excuse me did u touch my ass?
    Girl: Umm nooo!

  3. Marissa on November 6th, 2009 3:12 pm

    If your were a new burger at McDonalds you would be a McSexy:)

    When God made you he was showing off:)

    Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.

    We’re like Little Ceasar’s, we’re Hot and Ready.

    there are some of the ones i use:)

  4. Random Pedo on November 10th, 2009 2:59 am

    Lets do a math sum, lets add me and you subtract our clothes divide ur legs and multiply!!!

    The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you xD

    Your hott, lets bang.

    You’ll do.


    Are you from Narnia? coz you sure make my lion roar.

    Lets be honest we both know ur gonna leave here with me any way :D

    do u have a dollar? my mum told me to call her when i fell in love.

    Are you the moon? coz u make my werewolf grow.

  5. Al on November 17th, 2009 8:53 pm

    ” this music’s kinda loud… Can i use ur thighs as ear-muffs?”

  6. shayy on November 18th, 2009 4:08 am

    “i’m frito lay if you’re everready.”

  7. kristy on November 19th, 2009 6:09 pm

    is your last name gillette? cause your the best a man can get .

  8. Kyle on November 24th, 2009 9:43 am

    OH DANG! LETS BANG! hahahahahahah

  9. emily on January 24th, 2010 12:47 am

    r u from tennasee? cuz ur the only ten i see!!!
    tee hee

  10. mclovein on February 1st, 2010 7:06 am

    are you parents retarded cause your very speical to me

  11. Shady-lady (Mercedes) on February 5th, 2010 7:58 pm

    Guy’s always use these lines on me! It’s just so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1.It’s a good thing i brought my Library card cuz i’m checking you out!!!!!!!!!!!:)

    2.If i told u, u had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

    3.Are you a parking ticket cuz you got ‘FINE’ written all over you!
    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

    Hope you get a hang out of these! it’s so funny when guy’s use on me. I get a kick out of these.

  12. tammy on February 12th, 2010 12:37 am

    i thnk pic up linez r amazin me an my frenz luk emm up all da tyme so we can use em on peple
    an we luv them they r so funny!!!!
    an wen guyz use dem on me i thnk itz soooo kute!!! lol

  13. anonomys on February 15th, 2010 8:21 am

    these r my fav pick up lines
    1) you’ve been a bad girl. go to my room.
    2) you look like an ice cold glass of water and im thirsty!
    3) i would buy you a drink but i would be jelous of the glass
    4) did you ever work at a fruit stand? no. cause you still have the melons!
    5) pull my finger!
    6)let’s play titanic. i say iceberg! you go down.
    7) come over here and sit on my and we will talk about the first thing that pops up!
    8) how come i know hudreds of thousands digits of pie and i dont know the 10 digits of ur phone # !
    9) did you ever kiss a bunny between the ears? (turn pockets inside out) did you wanna!
    10)i can spell boobies on my calculator, but i’d much rather see yours!

    there u guys go! my favorites! have fun and use them. THEY WORK! i’m16 and they work for me

  14. Mclovin on March 1st, 2010 11:33 pm

    If we were both squirrels, i would store my nuts in your hole.

  15. Mclovin on March 1st, 2010 11:34 pm

    Im Gay

  16. DBoy on March 11th, 2010 6:17 pm

    1 of the best pick up line to do is go 2 a girl and ask
    “Can I have a picture of you to proove that angels do exsist?”
    it shuld never fail

  17. Jake on March 13th, 2010 4:51 am

    1) DAMN those pants look amazing on you but they would look better on my floor.
    2) Do you have a mirror in your pocket because I see my self in your pants.

  18. Pitty on March 21st, 2010 12:52 pm

    Your so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line .. lol ;p that one works

  19. Pants on the Ground on March 24th, 2010 12:28 am

    Guy: Is that top felt?
    Girl: No..
    Guy: Oh… Would you like it to be?

  20. Kristina on March 31st, 2010 1:24 am

    Get in the van!!!

  21. Kristina on March 31st, 2010 1:25 am

    girl: *walking down the street*

    guy: Get in the van bitch!!!

  22. grim on April 8th, 2010 5:10 pm

    are you in karate, cuzz your bodys’ kickin lol

  23. bob on April 24th, 2010 6:58 am

    this is the one i use.
    you: have you ever kissed a bunny between the ears.
    pull out you pockets an dsay yuo want to

  24. Joe on April 24th, 2010 8:00 am

    excuse me miss, my dick just died…can i bury it in your arse?

  25. super duper pooper scooper :D on June 8th, 2010 3:57 am

    The word of the day is legs…. now lets go back to my place and spread the word :)

  26. the goat who said no on June 8th, 2010 3:59 am

    Did you work for willy wonka?!?!?! you really know how to pack that fudge!

  27. Wayne on June 11th, 2010 9:16 pm

    I’m not tryin to impress you but… I’m Batman.

  28. Wayne on June 11th, 2010 9:18 pm

    Do you like strawberries or blueberries… Good now i know what to put on your pancakes in the morning.

  29. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:08 am

    What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper!!!

  30. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:12 am

    Excuse me but im new in town. can i get directions to your place?

  31. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:12 am

    Am i cute yet? or do you need more to drink?

  32. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:14 am

    You know what would look great on you? me!

  33. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:14 am

    Can i read your t-shirt in brail?

  34. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:15 am

    Thats a nice shirt can i talk you out of it?

  35. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:16 am

    Did you know you have 206 bones in your body? would you like one more?

  36. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:17 am

    You might as well sleep with me cuz im goin to tell everyone we did anyways.

  37. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:17 am

    If i followed you home would you keep me?

  38. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:18 am

    Lets play lion tamer you get down on four legs and ill stick my head in your mouth!

  39. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:19 am

    If i told you you had a gorgeous body would you hold it against me?

  40. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:20 am

    you look like me second wife, and ive only been married once!

  41. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:22 am

    do you believe in love at first site or should i walk past you again

  42. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:22 am

    what winks and f**ks like a tiger?

  43. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:23 am

    i lost my number can i have yours?

  44. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:24 am

    How do you like your pancakes so that i know what to make in the morning

  45. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:26 am

    Roses are red, violets are blue, i’m not a poet, lets f**k

  46. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:27 am

    can i get your picture so that i can prove to all my friends that angels do really exsist

  47. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:30 am

    Do you live on a chicken farm cuz you sure know how to raise sum cocks

  48. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:32 am

    my dick just died. mind if i bury it in your ass?

  49. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:33 am

    Ill give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle

  50. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:33 am

    Your so selfish! your gunna have tht body your whole life! i only want it for one night.

  51. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:34 am

    im an austranuat and my next mission is to explore urrannus

  52. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:35 am

    i wanna put my thingy into your thingy!

  53. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:36 am

    First ill kiss you passionatly on your lips, then ill move up to your belly button.

  54. Abused Tampon on June 18th, 2010 5:37 am

    That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed

  55. dave on June 28th, 2010 7:30 pm

    damn, you got a keg in those pants? ’cause i really wanna tap that ass!!

  56. Ashley on July 3rd, 2010 7:34 am

    girl: hey i thought i’d tell you i can fuck you better than your boyfriend
    Girl: really?
    Girl: let me prove it.
    Worked for me. haha and i’m gay

  57. darren on July 12th, 2010 1:47 am

    if i could rearrange the alphabet i’d put u and i together <3

  58. Chuck on July 21st, 2010 4:31 am

    Nice shoes…. Wanna fuck?

  59. AJ on July 31st, 2010 9:52 pm

    Those are some great pick-up lines, but I gotta share my favorite, and it has worked.

    Alright, here’s what you do.

    *Walk up to a girl and just straight up ask her “Hey, you wanna screw?”
    Now, this can go one of two ways.
    1.)Either she is gonna go for it, in which case ‘SCORE’ or
    2.) She is going to get all pissed off and insulted.

    If you don’t luck out and get reaction number one, then before she can yell, hit, or hurt you in any other way, pull a screw out of your pocket and hold it out to her with a hurt expression on your face.

  60. Honga Donga on August 10th, 2010 5:49 am

    Nice legs, what time do they open

  61. Jodestar on September 21st, 2010 2:48 am

    A guy at work used this one on me a few weeksback,it didnt hurt that i liked him already so the line he used “sealed the deal”

    Are you wearing space pants?
    Cos your ass is outta this world!


    Was your father a proffesional thief?
    Cos, it looks like he stole the stars and put them in your eyes!

  62. *perfect* on October 25th, 2010 6:16 pm

    go up to the girl and say this. It will work! guaranteed!

    if you were looking in the mirror holding a dozen roses u would see the thirteen most beautiful things in the world!

    Use it!

  63. Daisy on October 30th, 2010 6:33 pm

    I made some bacon, wanna strip??

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