The Funniest Pick Up Lines of All-Time


I’m sure women get these more than guys, but I’ve heard (and used) some of the stupidest pick up lines before. Don’t get me wrong, some are so stupid that it has to make you laugh. And who knows, it may just get you a phone number or two.

1. Are your parents retards… cause you special!
2. Hey Baby, did you fart… cause you blow me away!
3. You must’ve just had Campbell’s soup… cause you’re lookin’ mmm… mmm… good!
4. Excuse me, I’d like to have kids someday… I just wanted to know your parents created such a beautiful angel?
5. Your parents must be terrorists… cause you da BOMB!
6. Hey, do you like McDonalds… well, just call me “Big Mac.”
7. Hello, my name is Elmo and baby you can tickle me anytime you want!
8. I would buy you a drink but I’d just be jealous of the glass.
9. Do you like chocolate… well, just call me Mr. Goodbar!
10. I’m not going to ask for your phone number cause I know you’d say ‘no’ so can I have your e-mail address?
11. I’m not Fred Flinestone but I can definitely make your bed rock!
12. I’ve heard sex is a killer… want to die happy?
13. Can I read your t-shirt in brail?
14. What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk? My zipper.
15. You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyways!
16. Let’s make like a fabric softner and snuggle!
17. Excuse me, I wrote this poem for you… Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re HOT!
18. Hi, I work at Subways but I only can give you a footlong.
19. Are you a computer whiz… it seems you know how to turn my software to hardware.
20. Ouch! Damn… do you have a band-aid? I cut my knee when I fell for you.
21. *looks and pats around her back* Hey, I thought angels had wings?
22. I’ve heard milk does a body good but DAMN how much did you drink?!
23. Are you parents bakers… cause you got some hot buns!
24. I wanna get all hot and sweaty and listen to you breathe hard… um, you wanna go running?
25. Can I have a picture… I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas.

And one of my favorites…

(Next time you see someone sneeze) “I would say God Bless you but it looks like he already did!”

66 Responses to “The Funniest Pick Up Lines of All-Time”

  1. […] instance, my very first post on there was “The Funniest Pick Up Lines of All-Time” which was fun writing and looking up. And yes, I used a couple of those lines before because I’m […]

  2. Orlando says:

    Guy: Excuse me did u touch my ass?
    Girl: Umm nooo!

  3. Marissa says:

    If your were a new burger at McDonalds you would be a McSexy:)

    When God made you he was showing off:)

    Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.

    We’re like Little Ceasar’s, we’re Hot and Ready.

    there are some of the ones i use:)

  4. Random Pedo says:

    Lets do a math sum, lets add me and you subtract our clothes divide ur legs and multiply!!!

    The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you xD

    Your hott, lets bang.

    You’ll do.


    Are you from Narnia? coz you sure make my lion roar.

    Lets be honest we both know ur gonna leave here with me any way :D

    do u have a dollar? my mum told me to call her when i fell in love.

    Are you the moon? coz u make my werewolf grow.

  5. Al says:

    ” this music’s kinda loud… Can i use ur thighs as ear-muffs?”

  6. shayy says:

    “i’m frito lay if you’re everready.”

  7. kristy says:

    is your last name gillette? cause your the best a man can get .

  8. Kyle says:

    OH DANG! LETS BANG! hahahahahahah

  9. emily says:

    r u from tennasee? cuz ur the only ten i see!!!
    tee hee

  10. mclovein says:

    are you parents retarded cause your very speical to me

  11. Shady-lady (Mercedes) says:

    Guy’s always use these lines on me! It’s just so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1.It’s a good thing i brought my Library card cuz i’m checking you out!!!!!!!!!!!:)

    2.If i told u, u had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

    3.Are you a parking ticket cuz you got ‘FINE’ written all over you!
    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

    Hope you get a hang out of these! it’s so funny when guy’s use on me. I get a kick out of these.

  12. tammy says:

    i thnk pic up linez r amazin me an my frenz luk emm up all da tyme so we can use em on peple
    an we luv them they r so funny!!!!
    an wen guyz use dem on me i thnk itz soooo kute!!! lol

  13. anonomys says:

    these r my fav pick up lines
    1) you’ve been a bad girl. go to my room.
    2) you look like an ice cold glass of water and im thirsty!
    3) i would buy you a drink but i would be jelous of the glass
    4) did you ever work at a fruit stand? no. cause you still have the melons!
    5) pull my finger!
    6)let’s play titanic. i say iceberg! you go down.
    7) come over here and sit on my and we will talk about the first thing that pops up!
    8) how come i know hudreds of thousands digits of pie and i dont know the 10 digits of ur phone # !
    9) did you ever kiss a bunny between the ears? (turn pockets inside out) did you wanna!
    10)i can spell boobies on my calculator, but i’d much rather see yours!

    there u guys go! my favorites! have fun and use them. THEY WORK! i’m16 and they work for me

  14. Mclovin says:

    If we were both squirrels, i would store my nuts in your hole.

  15. Mclovin says:

    Im Gay

  16. DBoy says:

    1 of the best pick up line to do is go 2 a girl and ask
    “Can I have a picture of you to proove that angels do exsist?”
    it shuld never fail

  17. Jake says:

    1) DAMN those pants look amazing on you but they would look better on my floor.
    2) Do you have a mirror in your pocket because I see my self in your pants.

  18. Pitty says:

    Your so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line .. lol ;p that one works

  19. Pants on the Ground says:

    Guy: Is that top felt?
    Girl: No..
    Guy: Oh… Would you like it to be?

  20. Kristina says:

    Get in the van!!!

  21. Kristina says:

    girl: *walking down the street*

    guy: Get in the van bitch!!!

  22. grim says:

    are you in karate, cuzz your bodys’ kickin lol

  23. bob says:

    this is the one i use.
    you: have you ever kissed a bunny between the ears.
    pull out you pockets an dsay yuo want to

  24. Joe says:

    excuse me miss, my dick just died…can i bury it in your arse?

  25. super duper pooper scooper :D says:

    The word of the day is legs…. now lets go back to my place and spread the word :)

  26. the goat who said no says:

    Did you work for willy wonka?!?!?! you really know how to pack that fudge!

  27. Wayne says:

    I’m not tryin to impress you but… I’m Batman.

  28. Wayne says:

    Do you like strawberries or blueberries… Good now i know what to put on your pancakes in the morning.

  29. Abused Tampon says:

    What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper!!!

  30. Abused Tampon says:

    Excuse me but im new in town. can i get directions to your place?

  31. Abused Tampon says:

    Am i cute yet? or do you need more to drink?

  32. Abused Tampon says:

    You know what would look great on you? me!

  33. Abused Tampon says:

    Can i read your t-shirt in brail?

  34. Abused Tampon says:

    Thats a nice shirt can i talk you out of it?

  35. Abused Tampon says:

    Did you know you have 206 bones in your body? would you like one more?

  36. Abused Tampon says:

    You might as well sleep with me cuz im goin to tell everyone we did anyways.

  37. Abused Tampon says:

    If i followed you home would you keep me?

  38. Abused Tampon says:

    Lets play lion tamer you get down on four legs and ill stick my head in your mouth!

  39. Abused Tampon says:

    If i told you you had a gorgeous body would you hold it against me?

  40. Abused Tampon says:

    you look like me second wife, and ive only been married once!

  41. Abused Tampon says:

    do you believe in love at first site or should i walk past you again

  42. Abused Tampon says:

    what winks and f**ks like a tiger?

  43. Abused Tampon says:

    i lost my number can i have yours?

  44. Abused Tampon says:

    How do you like your pancakes so that i know what to make in the morning

  45. Abused Tampon says:

    Roses are red, violets are blue, i’m not a poet, lets f**k

  46. Abused Tampon says:

    can i get your picture so that i can prove to all my friends that angels do really exsist

  47. Abused Tampon says:

    Do you live on a chicken farm cuz you sure know how to raise sum cocks

  48. Abused Tampon says:

    my dick just died. mind if i bury it in your ass?

  49. Abused Tampon says:

    Ill give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle

  50. Abused Tampon says:

    Your so selfish! your gunna have tht body your whole life! i only want it for one night.

  51. Abused Tampon says:

    im an austranuat and my next mission is to explore urrannus

  52. Abused Tampon says:

    i wanna put my thingy into your thingy!

  53. Abused Tampon says:

    First ill kiss you passionatly on your lips, then ill move up to your belly button.

  54. Abused Tampon says:

    That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed

  55. dave says:

    damn, you got a keg in those pants? ’cause i really wanna tap that ass!!

  56. Ashley says:

    girl: hey i thought i’d tell you i can fuck you better than your boyfriend
    Girl: really?
    Girl: let me prove it.
    Worked for me. haha and i’m gay

  57. darren says:

    if i could rearrange the alphabet i’d put u and i together <3

  58. Chuck says:

    Nice shoes…. Wanna fuck?

  59. AJ says:

    Those are some great pick-up lines, but I gotta share my favorite, and it has worked.

    Alright, here’s what you do.

    *Walk up to a girl and just straight up ask her “Hey, you wanna screw?”
    Now, this can go one of two ways.
    1.)Either she is gonna go for it, in which case ‘SCORE’ or
    2.) She is going to get all pissed off and insulted.

    If you don’t luck out and get reaction number one, then before she can yell, hit, or hurt you in any other way, pull a screw out of your pocket and hold it out to her with a hurt expression on your face.

  60. Honga Donga says:

    Nice legs, what time do they open

  61. Jodestar says:

    A guy at work used this one on me a few weeksback,it didnt hurt that i liked him already so the line he used “sealed the deal”

    Are you wearing space pants?
    Cos your ass is outta this world!


    Was your father a proffesional thief?
    Cos, it looks like he stole the stars and put them in your eyes!

  62. *perfect* says:

    go up to the girl and say this. It will work! guaranteed!

    if you were looking in the mirror holding a dozen roses u would see the thirteen most beautiful things in the world!

    Use it!

  63. Daisy says:

    I made some bacon, wanna strip??

  64. scherpelis says:

    i heard your ankles were havin a party. lets invite your pants down.

    do you work at subway cuz you’re givin me a footlong

    roses are blue, violets are red, lets fuck in your bed

  65. fluffuduckky says:

    if u say it how i write it, i swear it works

    *i guess im not really good at breaking the ice, u try

    *your a kitty cat

    *girl your cuter than a puppy

    *i was just stickin up for you sweetheart, somebody said you smell pretty bad, i said like shit she does!!

    *theres only two ppl i trust in this world and im startin to have doubts about you

  66. eblack says:

    I’m glad I have life alert cause I fell for you and I cant get back up

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