80 completely benign things Trump has condemned more harshly than neo-Nazis


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Today was the day Donald Trump read off a teleprompter.

After Trump came under fire from nearly everyone for failing to criticize the white supremacists behind Charlottesville, two days later, the president finally dragged himself to a podium today to state, once and for all, that racism is bad.


It’s a lesson most of us learned in the womb, and Trump delivered it with as much enthusiasm as, say, a depressed Siri. For many people watching, it was clear that Trump had no interest in condemning the alt-right folks that make up part of his base.

Though Trump technically criticized the white supremacists behind the rally, he neglected to call it an act of domestic terrorism. He has called far less, far worse, on a far shorter timeline.

Here are the completely benign people, places and things Trump has condemned more harshly than Charlottesville’s neo-Nazis.

1. People who drink diet coke

2. CNN

3. Rosie O’Donnell

4. Mika Brzezinski’s face

5. The Failing New York Times

6. “The AmazonWashington Post”

7. His own Senate Majority Leader

8. His own healthcare legislation

9. Kristen Stewart’s relationship with Robert Pattison

10. Everything Barack Obama has ever done

11. ABC

12. NBC

13. NATO

14. Pretty much every anti-Russian postwar alliance

15. The FBI

16. The mayor of London

17. The Pharma Exec who resigned from his tech council because he thought Trump was too racist

18. Senator Flake

19. Senator Schumer

20. Senator Blumenthal

21. Presidents who golf too much (um)

22. New Hampshire

23. China

24. Mexico

25. Australia

26. Germany

27. Most of his staff

28. Robert Mueller

29. Andrew McCabe

30. Every single one of our trade deals

31. Transgender soldiers

32. War heroes

33. Adam Schiff

34. Polls that don’t favor him

35. Crooked Hillary

36. Chelsea Clinton

37. The “phony” Russia investigation

38. The fake news media

39. The FAKE AND FRAUDULENT news media

40. Greta Van Susteren

41. Megyn Kelly and her period

42. “Psycho” Morning Joe

43. Lyin’ Ted

44. Little Marco

45. “Pocahontas”

46. The Iran deal

47. Ben Carson’s “pathological disease”

48. Climate change

49. His own attorney general

50. April Ryan

51. Bill Clinton

52. Ronald Reagan

53. The White House

54. Mitt Romney

55. Saturday Night Live

56. The cast of Hamilton

57. Nuclear deterrence

53. So-called judges

54. Mexican judges

55. Mexicans in general

56. Muslims

57. Kathy Griffin

58. Meryl Streep

59. Snoop Dogg

60. Mark Cuban

61. My mom, by extension

62. Arnold Schwarzeneggar

63. Alec Baldwin

64. Whoopi Goldberg

65. Joy Behar

66. Ronda Rousey

67. John Oliver

68. Anderson Cooper

69. Neil freakin’ Young

70. Samuel Jackson


72. Refugees who don’t want to become “local milk people”

73. Michelle Obama

74. Buzzfeed

75. Jeff Bezos

76. Sweden

77. Apprentice rumors

78. Women who breastfeed in public

79. Canada, again for that dairy sh*t

80. Himself, unconsciously and inadvertently, with each and every hypocritical tweet and public appearance

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