Nobody teaches us sex. They teach us contraception and how the body operates, but nobody teaches us about pleasure and fulfillment. Only our partners can teach us, which constructs the whole thing a gamble.
Before I fulfilled the man who was my perfect fit in every possible way, I believed I had chemistry with men. With him, I detected an endless array of possibilities , not because he was “teaching me” things, but because of the way we connected.
Now that we are no longer together, it has been the hardest thing to decide to open up to someone new. I fear nobody can measure up to the degree of intimacy we share. Nonetheless, I have come to realize that many of the things we did to keep things exciting in the bedroom( and elsewhere) are things I might be able to do again in my next relationship.
So, here are 10 notions you can apply to your own love life 😛 TAGEND
1. Lose your inhibitions. All of them.
In my previous relationships, I didn’t do or say everything that crossed my thinker during sex. Rule number one of mutual pleasure is speaking out. Sometimes your spouse is doing things wrong, but you are afraid to hurt theirfeelings.
Don’t be. And don’t sugarcoat it. A person who loves you will be psyched about pleasing you, and any datum you can offer that can steer them in that direction will be more than appreciated.
2. Mind your own pleasure.
Intercourse alone is not going to send you to the moon. 90 percent of the time when we werehaving sex, in all its possible differences, my clitoriswas being induced orally or manually by either my ex or myself. I would have countless orgasms, which would excite him even more.
There is a question on OKCupid, “Is orgasm the most important part of sex? ” All men answer, “No.” I presume it’s since they are envision girls enjoy foreplay more. But there is nothing like a shared orgasm to merge you with someone you adoration. So, stop faking those moans when he is coming and get to work to have a real orgasm.
3. Get a wig, a new epithet and do something outrageous.
I have written some erotica under a pseudonym, and when my publisher called me to go on a book tour, I decided my alter ego needed to look different fromme. So, I got a sexy brunette wig. I did some reads around California and wascomplimented on my whisker a lot.
When I got back home to Seattle, I took my alter ego on a date with my boyfriend. We went to the Rendezvous Lounge and acted like we had just fulfilled. This led to some of the most wonderful sex we’ve ever had. True, there is a phase in the sex acrobatics when you need to take the wig off. But by then, it actually doesn’t matter.
4. Watch a Tinto Brass film
Traditionally, men used to adoration porn and women disliked it. But this is 2016. If, like me, youare appalled by the misogyny in porn and the closeups of the matters you don’t actually want tosee, try watching a Tinto Brass movie like, “Cosi Fan Tutte.”These movies have great cinematography, and they stage fictions girls can appreciate.
The most important thing here is finding a cinema you both enjoy. In a previousrelationship with an Italian man, I was disgusted when he tried to play some of the porn he enjoyed during a sex encounter. But with the right person and the right cinema, erotic cinema is also possible bliss.
To be fair, in my love story, I was usually the one watching while my boyfriend was otherwise entertained with some part of my torso, but I suppose it can work every which way.
5. Invite someone in.
So, I have never done this. We broke up before we got around to doing it. But in my next relationship with a sexy, openminded man, as soon as I seem safe that nobody is can come between us, I plan to open up my boudoir to a worthy individual.
A threesome is a delicate thing, and I don’t recommend it for those with low self-esteem or an insecure bond. I certainly don’t recommend it when one of the partners is doing it to humor the other one. But if the stars align, it can be lots of fun.
6. Location, location, location.
After a screening of “Nymphomaniac” one Seattle spring, me and my former spouse went out to Lincoln Park. It was not planned. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but I will never forget his words about the way my naked torso appeared against the trees in the moonlight. It must have been a full moon various kinds of night.
There is nothing you can do inside a bedroom that can top that. We have also made adoration by Rattlesnake Lake, a crystalline body of water by a lush green hill, and in many other places. So, maybe it’s illegal, but the trees are your friends. We were always go looking for secluded places to enjoy each other in nature. There is just something about it. Insider’s tip: Beware of poison ivy.
7. Lingerie rocks.
Before we fulfilled, I had only occasionally owned sexy lingerie, but I was inspired by our encounter. Long, black, satin gloves, red fishnets with purposeful holes, my milanesa maid garb( I would wear it every time I built breaded chicken milanesas ), corsets, thigh-high socks, my clear raincoat, garters, my geisha attire. I have all of these tools in my arsenal.
Go on Amazon. It’s so fun to shop for this stuff. When my boy came back home from study( I freelanced at home ), I was always wearing something special. There was always a plan for something amazing. I did this every single day, and so can you. If you have kids, it will probably be a bit different. But if you don’t, there is no reason your every night can’t is just like a scene out of a Tinto Brass movie.
8. Go gourmet.
I love cooking, so that was a big part of our foreplay every night. I would build something really special, pair it with great wine, set a nice table, the works. But again, this is 2016. So, maybe he is doing the cooking in your dynamic.
A microwaved dinner is not the stuff of erotic nirvanas. Whether you cook it, ordering it or have a friend make it, food plays a key role in adoration. Feed your torso with culinary amusements, and yourappetites will never stall.
9. Do it with words.
Words are everything. What you say to your spouse what the hell are you write to them, what theywrite to you is the source of all pleasure and rejoice. Kind, exciting words, unique words and words you’ve never heard before are all vital. My ex and I are both writers, so we were always fueling our love life with words, but you don’t need to be a literary character to set this into practice.
Read interesting things to each other, listen to music with amazing lyrics together. Try anything, but above all, mind the power of words. Your text, emails, the sexy photos of yourself in your WhatsApp messages, they will result in a level of passion that willonly give you and your spouse endless joy.
10. Create erotica of yourself.
Dress up; take good pictures of yourself with good lighting; demonstrate your spouse what they most like about you. Drive them wild with pictures of theirfavorite parts ofyou when they’re at work, and then, observe the results.
I love being desired. Of course , not everyone is the same, but the best advice I can offer after having had mind-blowing sex every single day for a couple of years is this: You have to fall in love with your own torso if you crave someone else to adoration it.
Look at yourself naked in the reflect. Keep forgetting the women in magazines, realize your unique beauty and find someone astounding to share it with every single day of your life.Passion doesn’t have to be a happen fad. Fervour and mind-blowing sex can be forever. If you believe it, you are able to make it happen.
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