And it takes everything in you to not walk away. And even when you walk away, you find yourself going back so many times because you miss him. You miss the adrenaline rush of high intense feelings. From “ve been wanting to” hollering to making up.
But then you satisfy a good guy. And when that happens thats when you recognise how negatively this past relationship has affected you. And sometimes you even push people away because of it.
You arent used to being treated so well, you nearly reject it.
1. At first, you expect the worst.
After a toxic relationship, you dont trust anyone. Even yourself. You wonder how you tolerated this relationship for so long. And you enter every relationship expecting the most difficult of someone. For a while, you dont believe good guys do exist . strong> Because for so long you looked for the incorrect qualities and you accepted a lot of these people who didnt deserve you.
2. And overthink everything.
You think everyone has motives or doesnt mean what they say. When youve caught person in lies so often it makes you paranoid as fucking. You dont believe people can be honest or mean what they say. You attain crazy premises and doubt really good people simply because of one person.
Next thing you know youre explaining to this guy how you got to this conclusion in your chief and hes mystified. Not because youve questioned him but that someone has constructed you this behavior and all he wants to do is overrule this . strong>
3. Youll think hes too good to be true.
Someone treating you this well has got to be too good to be true. Youre expecting the other shoe to fell. Youre expecting him to lose it the working day. Youre expecting some abrupt objective without closure. But every day he simply proves to you hes the same person hes been from the start. Hes given you no reason to question him but it isnt him you dont trust its everyone in the past.
4. After you push him away.
Someone in the past has led you to believe you dont deserve the best. So when you get it you reject it. You dread something good because you dont want to lose it. You dont wishes to get hurt again so you try and ruin it first. B ut what youll realize thats different about this guy is when you run hell chase you. When you push him hell grab you close and not let you leave.
5. Youre going to expect fights.
You keep waiting for a fight. But instead, everything get talked out and explained. And theres this wave of convenience afterward and you recognise normal people dont leave the second something goes wrong.
6. Then youll apologize too often.
Hes going to wonder why you apologize so often or what it is youre telling sorry for. Hell read the pain in your eyes from person in the past whose constructed you question yourself. Hell read the pain in your nerve trying so difficult to enjoy again when youve only known sorrow. And hes going to constantly reassure you everything is okay.
When a good guy enjoys someone who is broken who has only known toxic relationships, what he does is teach her she didnt deserve anything she got . strong> He redefines these horrible criteria she has and he chooses to be the exception.
7. And question if they are better off without you.
You think they are better off without you but the truth is just as they have constructed their own lives better it moves both behaviors. And I know youre scared to enjoy again. I know youre afraid to let anyone that close. But your sensitivity. Your compassion. Your strength and understanding and lack of judgements in everyone is what makes you beautiful.
In the past, you can enjoy someone who was completely unlovable and unbearable. You procured the good in them. You took a chance on them. You never gave up on them. And its your turn to have that reciprocated.
This new relationship isnt what you are used to but its exactly what you deserve.
8. You overcompensate.
And when you ultimately get comfy and accept this relationship “youre willing to” love this person with everything “youve got in” you. But dont try too hard. Dont think you have to. In the past, you two are taught your best isnt good enough. So you had to try too hard. You had to compete. You had to prove yourself.
What you should have learned was your best was good enough and it was him that didnt deserve it.
9. Then you trust him.
Theres going to be a moment where you tell this guy everything thats happened. A moment you trust him to let him that close. And when you tell him about the past and the people who have hurt yourself what youll discovery isnt thats hes going to take off. Its simply given him a reason to stay.
I know person in your past taught you about tough enjoy. They taught you vulnerability is a weakness. Youve had to be strong for so long and youve had to endure a lot of things you didnt deserve. But all of it has constructed you more beautiful than you know. And all of it will attain the right person appreciate you for overcoming all of it.
And with tears in your eyes even you will be grateful for a toxic relationship that didnt destroy you but rather constructed you the strong person you are today.
10. Finally you learn what enjoy really is.
You begin to realize that relationship that used to define your better standards of enjoy was so far from the real thing. You learn that enjoy isn’t supposed to do now hurt yourself or be humiliating. Desire isn’t supposed to break your nerve simply to build you back up. Desire is not anything that comes in the form of resentment. Whether it’s making you jealous or being jealous of you. The right type of enjoy does not play games with your nerve or want to see you in pain.
You recognise all of that wasn’t enjoy but control.
The right type of enjoy mends you and that’s exactly what this guy has done.
For more writing like this, check out the author’s volume , availableonly through Thought Catalog Books.
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